When her family lost Elvis, their beloved black Labrador, in 2004, Dr. Wendy Hauser's two young children repeatedly pleaded with her to help them make sense of their pet's death.
“Why?” her daughter, Elizabeth, who was 7 years old at the time, and her son, Andrew, 9, kept asking.
“Two hours later, they're still doing this,” she recalled. “I finally just had to say … ‘Mommy's heart is broken, too, and she needs a little bit of time to herself to remember Elvis.’”
When it's time to say goodbye to a family pet, it's not easy even for a family with an expert such as Hauser, who is the founder of Peak Veterinary Consulting in Parker, Colorado, and a special advisor to ASPCA Pet Health Insurance.
She has helped numerous families euthanize dogs, cats, guinea pigs and other animals when the time came.
Monday, Aug. 28, is Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day, a day to share memories of beloved pets that have "crossed the Rainbow Bridge," according to the American Kennel Club. It was started in 2015 by author Deborah Barnes, who wrote the book "Purr Prints of the Heart – A Cat’s Tale of Life, Death, and Beyond," in tribute to her cat Mr. Jazz.
The death of a pet can be extremely difficult mentally and emotionally, but there are things pet owners can do to make sure their pets are comfortable and to help families grieve.
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Anticipatory grief arises when it hits you that your pet is aging, or you find out your pet has a chronic illness. “You begin to imagine what life would be like without your pet,” Hauser shared. “Especially if you know that the time is coming near.”
Another family pet, Chester, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, helped Hauser learn how to handle that. Diagnosed with a heart condition at 7 years old, Chester was given six to 18 months to live. It was a huge blow for Hauser, who thought he’d live until he was at least 12 or 14.
“I was so shell-shocked,” she said. “I just lost it when I got in my car.”
But Chester didn’t know he was dying. He still wanted to go on hikes with her and play.
“He doesn't know he's got a death sentence looming over his head,” she shared. “Every day for Chester is a great day and I should celebrate him and enjoy him in that same light. Chester taught me the value of maybe not dwelling so much on the future and living in the minute.”
Hauser said it can be beneficial for owners to be present when pets are euthanized because they can say goodbye and “close that window.”
She has euthanized pets at her hospital and at clients' homes. It can be done wherever the pet will be most comfortable and anyone who cares for the pet can be present, including other family pets, Hauser said.
Who should be present can be a tough decision. When they euthanized their dog Elvis in 2004, her daughter was with the family’s nanny. She eventually told Hauser she would’ve liked to have been there.
“She has never let me forget that she wasn't there,” Hauser said. “She said it wasn't fair ... She was very wise beyond her years.”
As the date approaches, pet owners may question their decision to euthanize their pet. “The last day is rough because the animals seem to know,” Hauser said. “They really have a good day and you think ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. I’m euthanizing my animal and all of a sudden, they have a little bit more life in their step than they've had. Maybe I need to put it off.'”
But usually, most clients tell her they waited too long to euthanize their pets. “They know that they kept them alive for them and not for the sake of the pet,” she shared.
Some people never get a new pet because they can’t stomach the potential loss of another companion. Some get new pets before they euthanize their current ones. “Unfortunately, there is no magic answer,” Hauser said. “It's what feels right. And you're never replacing an animal, even if you get the same breed. Every animal is unique and an individual.”
Hauser’s husband doesn’t understand how she can handle the emotional toll euthanasia takes on a person, she said.“I say it's the last gift that I can give them … the gift of a good and peaceful and pain-free death.”
Owners can talk to veterinarians about pet insurance as another way to help families prepare for losing their pets, Hauser said. Some policies also cover preventative care. The ASPCA has a pet insurance program that covers the cost of euthanasia, cremation and burial costs, she shared.
However, pet insurance may not always be an option for those on low or fixed incomes, Richman said.
“Sometimes it takes out some of the financial burden in terms of making decisions and the reality of it is that sometimes people do have to make very difficult choices,” he shared. “I've had folks who decided that they weren't going to pay rent one month because they needed to pay for that animal’s care.”
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