Chaotic Singles Parties are going viral on TikTok. So I went to one.

2024-12-24 08:22:02 source: category:Back

LOS ANGELES − Is the secret to finding love embracing chaos?

Maybe, maybe not. But over 200 people were willing to give it a try Friday night at a singles party at Hollywood's Sassafras Saloon. The main instruction? Leave your caution at the door and get messy − all in the name of, hopefully, meeting your perfect match.

It's called a Chaotic Singles Party. Started on a whim by Cassidy Davis in her Los Angeles apartment in February 2022, the parties, which have gone viral on TikTok, are now hosted by Davis across the country and have attracted a loyal fanbase of repeat attendees. Activities vary from party-to-party, but all involve forcing people out of their shells and into flirting.

Davis' means of accomplishing this are, well, chaotic. Friday's event, sponsored by Ghost Tequila, saw guests, fresh off a cocktail-making class, scramble to fill out spicy bingo cards. (One square asked people to find someone at the party who "looks like your ex.") Previous Chaotic Singles Parties required attendees to bring a stranger they matched with on a dating app as a plus one. At another past party, guests left with free vibrators.

The parties are unorthodox, but they've worked for some. Davis says she knows of 40 couples who met at her parties and are still together. She also says her parties tap into a deeper need in our culture: So many young adults find dating apps monotonous and long to meet romantic connections in real life.

According to Davis, that requires some degree of chaos.

"The idea that we're all dating in person, we're all single in a bar together, is very chaotic to a lot of people because they're used to only online dating," Davis says. "I really encourage people to truly lean into the chaos and be bold, go approach people. This is not just your average Friday night. It's Chaotic Singles Night. ... You are being an agent of chaos in that you're just unabashedly going after what you want and the hope of finding love."

How the Chaotic Singles Party came to be

Davis threw her first Chaotic Singles Party around Valentine's Day in 2022, after five years of being single in Los Angeles.

"I was so tired of going on crappy coffee dates with dating app matches," she says. "I was like, 'I'm so much more fun at a party with my friends. I just wish I could date in this setting. This is really where I thrive.' "

Then she got an idea: What if she and all her single friends invited a random person from a dating app to a party at her apartment?

What could go wrong?

"At the last minute, I kind of panicked and invited 65 men from Tinder and gave them all my address, which was the dumbest thing I've ever done," Davis says. "Yeah, my parents were very mad to hear my plan, but the party happened and no one robbed us; no one got kidnapped. So, a 10 out of 10, some would say."

It also worked well for her: One of the guests from that first Chaotic Singles Party ended up becoming Davis' boyfriend. They've been together ever since.

Davis shared videos of this first party on TikTok, where they went viral. Soon after, people flooded her comments asking her to host more of these parties so they could go. She threw the first public Chaotic Singles Party at a bar the following month. It sold 500 tickets in 30 minutes and had a waitlist of 900.

The parties have only grown more popular.

"I keep expecting them to die or have it be a viral moment that once was, but they actually keep getting bigger," Davis says.

About 25%-30% of Chaotic Singles Partygoers are repeat attendees, whom Davis calls her "little chaotic community." Christine Lane, an actor in Los Angeles, is one of them.

More:Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life

After finding out about Chaotic Singles from TikTok, Lane planned on going to one with a friend. The friend bailed on her last minute, but she went anyway and became fast friends with Davis.

"I love that she wanted to create a place for people who want to be present and experience reality to connect and have that together," Lane says. "I know that I'm always going to meet someone fun and lively and interesting to talk to and can gab. It's never going to be boring."

Why daters are choosing chaos over apps

Perhaps the most chaotic element of each party, Davis says, is the fact people are meeting and engaging with each other in person rather than online − something that feels revolutionary, especially to younger adults who have only known a dating landscape dominated by apps.

"People are just kind of looking for that in-person spark," Davis says. "You can really tell who someone is immediately when you get to actually speak with them and get to see them, more so than you would online."

Statistically, dating apps still reign as one of the most popular ways couples meet. According to a 2023 Pew Research Center report, 1 in 10 partnered adults met their current significant other on a dating app or website. That figure is 1 in 5 for those under 30.

Still, that doesn't mean everyone's happy with dating apps. In that same report, 46% of people said their experiences using a dating app or website were very or somewhat negative.

Gen Z in particular seems less enthusiastic about online dating services. According to a 2023 Statista report, people between the ages of 30 and 49 make up 61% of online dating users, while people between 18 and 29 make up only 26%.

More:Speed dating is making a comeback as Gen Z ditches dating apps. We shouldn't be surprised.

Chris Thomas is one adult in his 30s who's grown tired of apps and wants to meet people in person, which brought him to Friday's Chaotic Singles Party. He says the experience has felt refreshing.

"Going back to the pandemic and quarantine and everything, there was a long period of time where a lot of us weren't interacting with people in person," he says. "So ever since then, even four years later, it still feels good to talk to people in person and be close to people."

For those looking to attend a Chaotic Singles Party, Davis recommends shelving your timidity, at least for the night, and boldly going up to people. When it comes to love, a little bit of chaos can go a long way.

"Just really go for it. Put your fear aside for one night only, and just kind of see where this takes you," she says. "If it helps you find your person that night, obviously, I'm thrilled; but, even if it doesn't, you can make amazing friends or just kind of give your love life the CPR it needs to bring the excitement and the joy back into it."

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